The Look of Love: The History of St. Valentine

Each year on February 14th, people around the world participate in the exchange of cards, confections, and gifts. People celebrate new engagements and find ways to express their love toward their special “valentine.” The history of St. Valentine’s Day, which dates back to the 5th century, is not only imbued with legends of martyrdom, but also amorous fantasies of its origination abound.

One popular legend, according to Wikipedia, is that Saint Valentine’s Day was named after a priest, Valentine, who was a romantic at heart. Saint Valentine lived during the reign of Roman Emperor Claudius II who was known for bloody battles and demanded a strong military. Emperor Claudius II forbid his soldiers from marrying, believing that marriage and attachment to family would be a distraction to the soldiers. Valentine defied these orders and performed clandestine weddings for soldiers. Legend continues that on the night before he was executed, Valentine wrote and sent the first “valentine” card. In a letter to the daughter of his jailer, Valentine closed a letter by signing “Your Valentine.”

Other historians attribute the origination of Valentine’s Day to pagan times and the Feast of Lupercalia. And another popular belief began in the middle ages when people recognized that the middle of February became the mating season for birds. Thus, “love birds” prompted love to be in the air, and February 14th became the day for love and romance and the exchange of “love notes.”

Are you someone that has been struck by a cupid’s bow, who is seeking a valentine to celebrate the day with, or looking to refresh the love between you and your valentine? Finding a compatible and fulfilling partner can sometimes be a challenge, as well as maintaining the initial “spark.” Below you will find links to assessments that will allow you to learn about yourself, your partner, and explore your compatibility to make your relationship stronger; or it may also allow you to find a “valentine” who will fulfill your needs and strengths, or vice versa. In addition, please consider the following suggestions for revitalizing the love between you and your significant other. A long-lasting love takes work and action, but the work will be paid off.

1.) Enhance intimacy to promote closeness. When people have been involved in long-term relationships, it is important to show affection to keep it from going stale. This can involve simple touches throughout the day, compliments that express your love and gratitude, and a quick text that will linger and connect you even when you are apart. Consider sending a love letter in the mail, even when it's not Valentine's Day; or writing a messae on the mirror; or surprising him with a sweet hello boo tucked into his pant pockets, briefcase, or lunch.

2.) Remember, it's not always about fixing the bad, but increasing the good. Trying to change someone into being who you want them to be promotes negative feelings and impairs the relationship. By increasing the good and showing appreciation to the strengths you both bring to a relationship stimulates positive emotion. Research indicates that couples who engage in pleasant or exciting activities have greater marital satisfaction. Go on a date night, spruce it up! Pretend you are on your first date, and get to know your partner again. Play the " I Wish..." game, and learn your partner's wishes, dreams, and deepest desires.

3.) Focus on active communication. Set aside quality time and give the gift of good listening. The inability to communicate in a healthy way creates many trials and tribulations in partnerships. Communication is a skill that involves a deeply conscious effort. It requires the effort to listen without judgment, to read moods and body language, to speak honestly and openly, to seek clarification to avoid misinterpretation, and to express genuine empathy and understanding. Learning how to utilize active listening is a hard habit to learn, but it will offer greater opportunity for you and your partner to support and nurture one another.

4.) Be forgiving and always remember "budge, not grudge." Practicing forgiveness clears away the mental and emotional clutter, and makes way for love, gratitude, and appreciation; thus allowing for unconditional love to enter.

http://www.realitycheck.focusonclarity.com/archives/720

(This link is based on the teachings of Dr. William Glasser, the founder of Choice Theory, which proposes the five basic needs that every human being requires. The needs-strength profile is from his book, "Staying Together: A Control Theory Guide to a Lasting Marriage.)

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/

(This link is for the 5 Love Languages assessment, as created by Dr. Gary Chapman.)